Aaron.

eMOTIVe

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Well this has been the fullest day i've had in a long while. Heres what went down. First Chris, not the fucking douchebag one, the NICE one came over. We hang out for a while, talked and fixed the webcam, and watched sealab. Happy days. Then i bought cigarettes for Gabe, we hung out for a little. He gave me some dough for my tattoo because he LOVES me. Yes. so then around i dont remember when. Zac finally got here.
We talked for a while, about an hour or less maybe? anyhoo, I decided we should go to Skincraft for our so romantic date. So we popped some Atom in the cd player and were off. We got there and i did some thinking and decided to get the face i designed yesterday. I filled out the papers and waited for my turn. Meanwhile... this nice girl started talking to us and she was super awesome. I let her watch my tattooing, ^^ the owner of the shop inked me , such an honnor. haha he was fucking cool. it was hot to have another dude shave my leg hahaha..not really.
so yeah it hurt, needles peircing my shin over and over, but it was a good pain as always, dude i'm fucking addicted, i might have to get really fat so i have more room for tattoos. can i borrow a hundred pounds form mike and chris? you have plenty to go around. so anyhoo, the whole thing took eh 15 min. real fast. this tattoo is about the size of my fist , BIG. so anyhoo. um then we all chatted for a while. the girl was funny. I think zac had funz, he was going to get his septum done, but he didnt boo. that girl showed me her spoon she carrys around in case of a pot emergency, it was the coolest spoon EVER.
i got bored so i decided to get my cartilage peircing stretched to a 14 gauge. i hope it works, i got a clear, orange striped bead ring in it now. the guy who did it was super cute. he dropped the taper, then broke the first ring, he was all nervous. i think he thought i was hot shit. haha it was funny. aye. after some more talks we were on our way. then we came back to my house and. (you need not know). at the end of the evening he gave me a huge cardboard poster of a sword weilding uma thurman, it was a Kill Bill II display from walmart. suck on that, you don't have one bitch. haha i do. it was nice to have somebody treat good .vs. like a pile of diarrhea. it made me feel good inside. like i was worth something. for real. oh yeah my tattoo, its a fucking insane twisted looking face that i drew expressing my feelings of insanity and hate(you should see it). its really fuckin wicked looking. being addicted to tattoos is a much better feeling than being addicted to a drug. it really does.

i feel bad for you, and you know who you are.

i talked to Ric for the first time in a long ass time, hes doing well.
im glad hes happy, i always liked that kid, yeah alot.i told him what was going on with me and , he told me that i am a great person and i just need to find something that i like doing and that makes me happy. i'm glad i talked to him. even if it was a short conversation, hes right , i do. i respect him because he is one of the smartest people i have known. i'm happy hes doing what he wants with himself. he just made me feel realy good. yeah. ^^


and this ends this tale.

i'll gut you like a fish, peel off your skin and stuff you with broken glass, and cook you in a nice gravy of gasoline and your own blood.

thanks for fucking me up so much

COME NEAR ME AGAIN AND I'LL REARANGE YOUR FACE WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

IF I COULD I WOULD KILL YOU BOTH , THEN KILL MYSELF SO I COULD KILL YOU FOREVER IN HELL.





I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU IM NOT PLAYING.


























I REALLY AM INSANE. SO FUCK OFF.












YOU ALCOHOLIC BITCHS.

so I lied. My new Livejournal can be found by the username.
achloroformkiss. if you really want to go there.

You say goodbye, like everythings alright.


if you wish to contact me. you know how.

Don't expect me to.

FUCKYOUUUUUU

"I've boarded up the windows to keep the morning from intrusion
I've left it on the doorknob, could you please just not disturb
On days like this we find it so hard to push ourselves up and out of bed
When nothing falls in favor of
I have so many things I would like to explain to you
But I don't know just how to communicate
I can't take this body shaking
Dress and we'll begin
Nights can be so violent when beds become vacant
So now I've blown it once again,
this would have been the last offense and
You should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face
Addres full doubt you've ever felt frustration well I'm choking on it now
And it's the hardest thing for me to shake
Is it because of this vacancy that you swear never to believe?
Honestly honest me, with a look that's so deceiving
I'll bite, chew, swallow, and digest the hands that feed me
With a bayonet for a tongue,
Swallow swords inadvertently,
And to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency
I have so many themes; I would love to explain to you
Farewell to all the days you were, within my reach,
and as of right now everything is making perfect sense."



This may be my last journal entry for a while. Whats the point of this anyway? i may start a new one, i may not. i don't know. i need to break away from this, this compuerized life of mine. i need to get a grip on reality. i need this chain to break. i want to run the fuck away and not look back. i want the day to come when i can say "i'm alright" and actually fucking mean it. it would be nice.
i refuse to "love" somebody without loving myself first.
i want to tell everybody to back the fuck up and leave me to myself. i pretend to be happy and carefree all the fucking time. but thats not me. i've already had "the worst day of my life" several times, and im only eighteen damnit.
theres a bag of flaming crap on my doorstep everyday. its not "GOOD TIMES" FUCKERS. i need to get some things done.
i'm pretty fucked up. if you didnt know? my life has no direction, except down. i'd like to find a map and get back on track. i went insane again, and it was more intense than last time... i ended up in the shower with clothes on, sitting for a good long while, and thought all this crap up. mike was right, YOU NEED TO DO YOUR OWN FUCKING SHIT.

by the way, how the fuck did dancing with a ribbon on a stick become an olympic sport?


I cant shake this.




you may hear from me every once in a time. But untill that time comes.

I bid you adieu,

signing off,



Aaron Feld.









~Lost~And~Lonley~




















































Fin

HAHA oh lord jesus on a pogostick. yesterday was teh fuking shit W00000p. YEs YES YES. john arived , and we were off to Skincraft tattoo and peircing. We looked at the flash for quite a while then he found the perfect dragonfly design so he pointed out what he wanted and filled outthe form and we went upstairs to do the deed he had it put on his left arm i think haha it was in black ink and it looked fucking badass w00t. our tattoo artist was german we think he was cool, and a kick ass artist, he did an awesome job. after he was done, i went down and picked out my design. I SET THE NORTH POLE ON FIRE.
hmm it was to small so he inlarged it twice so it was nice and large and so in a few years i wouldnt look at my arm and say, "what the fuck is that orange blob on my arm?" . aye, after i decided on the placement we went back upstairs. couldnt find a good position in the chair he had me lay down on the table. it was hot. so after he got the outline in my desired spot, he started up that gun of pleasure. he started on the outline. yes its true it hurts but its a good pain, this was my second one afterall, and not my last mwahaha
nanananananananana its on my outer arm, right on top of my bicep, very tender area.i always get them in painful places, hmmm. oh well. you're probaly wonering what it is. well i'll tell you. its an adoreable cartoon FISHY , it totally ROCKS MY ARM 4 eva. its orange and yellow, black outline andfour blue bubbles. SOOO CUTE. i might do my whole upper arm in fishys and underwater creatures.wouldent that be cool? so yeah

we left and went to the smoke shop where i got three ounces of choice tobacco and insence and bob marley papers. then back to the pimp mobile and went to EVERYBODYS records for som hardcore musics buyin. he got against me's : reinventing axle rose, kickass. and i got from autum to ahses: the fiction we live. AND Atom and his Package: Hair:Debatable , his last live concert ever. with a bonus DV motherfuckin D, wish i had a player. this cd roxorz my ass. i got a john kerry button and a nofx pin, and one with bush on it saying"asshole #2" for my man purse. KICK


we went to sallys for a quick stop , i got ear peircing kits, probaly do that shit today.


we went back to my house and ate cheesy rice and pitabread yummerz. so me and the man listend to music and got candy. w00t then watched sealab and raptor island CRAZY , he went home cause i was sleepy went to sleep and woke up and wrote this crap
BYE NIGGA

mom and zach are watching the last samurai, and its hot as hell in here FUCKERS. i had about 5 drinks before , kaluah and coffee and apple cider with whiskey. it was really tastey. coulednt even taste the whiskey even. it was like drinking candy. i got a little tipsy and ended up in bed wearing my underwears reading a story "death is a lonley lover"i think its called, its about i man whos wife was murderd by 6 people, and he is assassinating them one by one, very clever cyanide in some chocolates. i called chris, he told me to call him back whenever i want, its good to know hes alright and all.
lets see, what else ? um pretty much nada im talking to zac, hes pretty cool, we might hang out sometime. i think we'd getalong pretty well. i think gabby is back so i gotta see my baby momma ya know for real well thats a wrap for today i thinks.



LOVE.

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HEY EVERYBODY. Don't have much to say, i'm just in a good mood and have no pot to smoke. sadness. listening to some mp3z Papa sent me today. holy fuck i love technicooter, its my sexond favorite band. the man is a genius , he owns my starfish.i wish i could be a part of his band. oh well. maybe someday. haha. " i can drink more than you probaly"

so well , i have nothing to do hahaha i suck.


oh fuck this is more fun than playing croquet with grandmas funbags.


hahahah goths are funny

i have blisters from the drumsticks. owch, i still got it. i tore thoes fucking drums apart. i should start a daeth metal band.actually me and john might get togeather and see what we can comeup with, we should call ourselves PENISPUMP. i really dig this DK video, that drummer makes me wet. i found a bunch of old cans of paint, i think i'll paint something crazy. we'll see. i got a job application today. because mike told me to. this time i'll turn it in, i need teh moneys, for my raging drug problem. haha. i wish i had cool eyebrows, maybe i'll shave them off and get a line of dancing turtles tattood above my eyes any thoughts? i saw gabe today, because he wanted me to buy him cigarettes, it was cool. i got a pack of newports and a hot orange lighter out of the deal. so whats else. yes i have not gotten liquitized in quite a while.so if theres any partys going on let me know, i need to get my drink on. WHITE RUSSIANS AND KEEP 'EM COMIN'. i want dress like a cheerleader , drain a couple forties and flash my titties at old ladies, then run around screaming simple plan lyrics.
i think i wanted to say something important ?buti forgeted.

i wish i had some pancakes right....now

i'm watching some good ol' jerry springer, lord these women are beyond disgusting fat ugly lesbians. " YOU CALL US AT THRE IN THE MORNIN' WHEN WE'R LAYN IN BED LIKE HUMAN PEOPLE" , "YOU WERE DRUNK, YOU' DRUNK BITCH"

"YOU SICK ASS DRUNK BITCH."



On to more intresting things. yesterday was half good half bad.
lets start with the good. i woke up early and got dressed, i mean goddamn i looked super hot yesterday, even mom said so. haha. we went out lunchums with granny at a resturant thati cant spell. we had a brunch buffet, is was alright i ate 2 plates of food. best muffin ever. then we went to dillards to look at couches and whatnots, always fun. haha ohshit we were at grannys watching the womens olympic race, the chick from africa wascatching up to the british lady grandpa said "ZooLoo is catching up" mom got pissed hahah thats grandpappy gotta love his racist jew ass. i eventualy got home . then whatdid i do ? i think i killed a goblin with my kung fu action grip. mmm uhhi forget. i talked to trish for awhile,shes really cool, we might go see KMK when they're back in town , yay. hmm OH MY GOD. Bobby Bubbler broke in half, i wasso pissed almost cried, i hope i can fixhim cause he was expensive GRRR. i think and john are going thursday to skin addiction? for some inking action. i need to buy a few bags of weed , cause i have money again , i want to see if i can get my hands on some cherry bomb II. lookslike the shit. my plantsare doingvery well , needsome new lights. damn well thats all for now. until next time.



i love you.

this entry was deleted.

It feels like my mind is in a fucking blender.



Am I going insane?

Good morning cincinnati. how are you?, me i'm swell...eh well so so. heres the cupcake. yesterday mom was yelling at me, i was pretty pissed. then it happend, i stop hearing her, just a little happy tune in my head and walked outside, picked up the sledge hammer, and started breaking. after a few outside smashings i went in my room and put in vol: 3 (slipknot) and proceded to beat the hell out of my room with the sledge hammer. i was totally out of control, mom knocked on my door and i shoved one of thoes huge knives i have through the door. i paused for a min or two to catch my breath, then i snorted some big lines of aderall, did some more smashing.
mom came back and said i had a phone call. it was chris. i told him what happend and he came over to talk. he arived. i was shaking like a hampster in a freezer. we went on the roof and smoked lots of cigarettes and talked. i told him how i'm now just felling the pain of the reasons me and mike broke up. how i never gave myself time to think about it and all. using drugs and alcohol to supres my feelings, how fucking cliche and teenager of me. what else was i to do? yoga or something gay? shit. chris said i should give michael a call and talk to him, so i did , for a few hours it seemed. we talked and talked some more, it made me feel so much more sane. and rather warm and fuzzy knowing he still loves me and all. hehe it made me feel like a stupid girl inside. so anyhoo uh what oh yeah me and chris are just awesome friends now, it would be unfair to keep him as a fill in boyfriend untill me and michael meet again. know what i'm sayin? but i really did like him a whole lot. but how many times in your life do you meet somebody who you would give your life for, without thinking twice, thats love. i know he is my one and only, just the way its suposed to be. so whatelse, i had a hard time going to sleep with all that on my mind. yes i have decided to call wayne and get an appoitment, THERES ALOT I NEED TO SAY, and i need to figure out some problems and what i want to do with myself. anyhoo me and big chris might have some jack daniels therapy tuesday. i need to get my temps. today is the day, i need to grow up and learn to drive, my ass needs to be mobile. i talked to john after chris left and told him what happend, he was happy for me ^^ , i'm glad i have him as a friend, hes just the greatest, The Man. we are going to get INKED sunday looks like a pretty damn sure, i cant friggin wait. it'll be super fun. i want to get somthing in color this time, maybe a lip peircing if i can go through with it this time. anything else? nope dont think, i said all i need to say. good day



I SAID GOOD DAY.






i used an exclimation mark yesterday, it made me feel like a trendy online bitch but i was fucking happy.

ohhh yeaaa




now, i'm okay.















YEAH NIGGA NIGGA

happy birthday michael

yeah....

"The Nameless"

Pathetic (benign)
Accept it (undermined)
Your opinion (my justification)
Happy (safe)
Servent (caged)
Malice (heart of weakness)
No toleration
Invade (committed)
Enraged (admit it)
Don't condescend (don't even disagree)
Decide (decay)
Dissapoint (delay)
You suffered then, now suffer unto me.

Obsession, take another look.
Remember, every chance you took.
Decide, you live with me
Or give up - any thought you want to be free

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

Anyone (NO) Anything (YES) Anyway (FALL)
Anybody (MINE) Anybody (TELL ME)
I want (YOU) I need (YOU) I'll have (YOU)
I won't LET ANYBODY HAVE YOU
Obey (ME) Believe (ME) Just trust (ME) Worship (ME) Live for (ME)
Be grateful (NOW) Be honest (NOW) Be precious (NOW) Be mine (JUST LOVE ME)

Possesion (feed my only vice)
Confession (i wont tell you twice)
Decide - (either die for me)
Or give up - any thought you want to be free.

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you.
(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

(Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh)
Stay inside the hole, let me take control. (Dominate)
You were nothing more, you were something less (innocent)
Something has to give - something has to break (omnipresent)
Fingers on your skin, let me savage in
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you)
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you. (was hurting you)
(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you)
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

You're mine (you are you are)
You're mine (you are you are)
You're mine
YOU'RE MINE




thats my new favorite song, don't laugh because its slipknot. i like the lyrics.

yes i still cry.

i've learned you can say "sorry" 'till you die , but it will never change anything. just the way it is.

i try to forget. but i just end up in more pain, and tears.

the pain goes on, i'm not going to make it. i hate myself still and always. i need to face the truth. someday maybe i can love myself again. maybe i should just shoot up with air and see what happens...



fuck me.